Table of Contents - Well Groomed
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excerpts Test Your Groom IQ

Excerpted from Chapter 5:

Why Didn’t I Become a Florist? The Surprising Cost of Your Wedding Vendors

Before you meet with the florist, you’ll make up a list of what you’ll need from her, which probably looks something like the following:

1. Centerpieces on all the tables

2. Bouquet for the bride and bridesmaids

3. Boutonnière for the groom and groomsmen

4. Maybe some additional boutonnières for the parents and grandparents.

A florist looks at this list in much the same way a dog looks at a single piece of kibble: “if this is all there is, we’re going to have a big problem.” The dog shows his frustration by pooping on the rug. The florist uses a different method that, appropriately, smells much better. The florist takes your list and then adds on the following:

5. Bouquet of flowers to put in the ladies room and men’s room.

6. An extra bouquet of flowers to put in the men’s room because some drunk dude will urinate on first bouquet “just so he could see what would happen.”

7. Additional centerpieces to replace the ones stolen by guests who leave early.

8. Additional boutonnieres for any guy in attendance who has ever made out with the bride.

9. Extra rose petals to cover the passed out wedding guest who’s lying in the corner.

10. Additional bouquet for the florist’s home.

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